The Prodigy
by ShadowsDaughter
Summary: Dean didn't come back from Hell so put together. His mind is constantly going back to his time in Hell, having flashbacks at the drop of a hat. But there's also something else that's different with Dean, he seems to have some sort of connection with Hell. And instead of four months, it's five months. A decade in Hell can make a hell of a difference to a person. Warnings inside!
1. Chapter 1

**Here I am again with a new fic. This will be a multi-chapt fic so have patience please. I'm pretty excited about this story and I hope you all like it, too. Please keep in mind that this is a rewrite/AU of season 4 so things will map out differently and characters are going to be different as well. **

**Warnings for this fic:**

**-Wincest (Sam/Dean) is endgame for this fic.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks of rape.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks/scenes of torture.**

**If anything mentioned will bother you, please turn back now. **

**As always, please review to let me know your thoughts.**

* * *

><p>Chapter One<p>

Dean honestly wasn't all too sure how he got to the gas station, he had come to in the coffin and climbed out of the earth, and then things were kind of shady after that. His mind was zipping all over the place, trying to piece together all the horrors in his mind. It was hard.

_"Let's try going through his back this time!"_

_"Hm…he doesn't scream as much with the pliers."_

_"Sick 'em boys!"_

_"He's afraid of the hounds, we'll have to use them more!"_

_"Just say yes, Dean, and this will all end."_

_"Let's take out each rib, one at a time."_

_"I'm feeling especially horny today, can you take it Deano?"_

_"Say yes, Dean. You know you want to."_

_"Let's see how sensitive he is without his eye sight!"_

_"I think we should make him eat some!"_

_"Dean? Are you ready to say yes, yet?"_

_"Oh, I like how smooth this knife is! We have to use it more."_

_"Dean?"_

**_"Yes."_**

While in the gas station, he hadn't noticed the warning signs while he stood frozen with money in his hands. Didn't notice a thing until all the glass exploded. That got his attention real quick and he dove onto the ground, covering his face with his arms. He swallowed and blinked a few times before getting to his feet. He felt shaky and knew he needed to get somewhere safe. He wanted Sam, wanted to make sure he was okay. He needed to call him.

He grabbed his bag of snacks before heading out to the pay phone he could see. He tried three numbers, two disconnected, one with no answer multiple times before giving up, feeling like he could cry. His body as healed, somehow, but he still ached, still hurt like he was in the pit. Who else could he call? Bobby.

"Hello?"

"Bobby!" Dean couldn't help but sag in relief a bit at the familiar voice.

"Yeah?"

"It's me!"

"Who's 'me'?" Bobby sounded annoyed but Dean couldn't help but smile a little.

"Dean. Bobby—" Click.

"What the hell?" Dean frowned and redialed Bobby only to get hung up on before getting threatened. He could understand. The newspaper in the gas station said he had been gone for five months, which was a long time, granted it had been longer for him, but Bobby probably thought he was a demon or something. He would just have to show up and prove he wasn't.

Hot wiring the crappy, old car was easy, something he didn't really have to think about. It was like tying the laces on a shoes, it was a routine thing. The whole time he made his way to Bobby's all he could think about was Sam. Was he the reason he was out? Did he make a deal? Dean knew he'd have made a deal as soon as he could but he didn't want Sam to deal with Hell. Never wanted him to. Now… God, they'd have to find a way to get him out of his deal.

Then finally, _finally,_ he was at Bobby's. He stared up at the house for a few minutes before gathering the courage to get out of the car and go up to the door to knock. It shouldn't have surprised him, Bobby attacking him but it did. And then he had to cut himself to prove to Bobby he wasn't a shape shifter or a revenant.

_"You like that? I know you do, Dean."_

"Dean?" Bobby's voice wobbled just a bit but Dean didn't begrudge him for that. The hug grounded him a bit, made the whispers in his mind slide away. But Dean didn't allow himself to focus on Bobby long. Sam. Where was Sam? He was dragged out of his mind by holy water being splashed in his face and while didn't cause steam to rise or really hurt, it itched. He didn't say anything to Bobby, too spooked to know why that was.

It took only a phone call and a minute on the internet to get the address of where his brother was. When he saw, the breath in his lungs kind of just _whooshed _out. Why else would Sam be around there if not to make a deal and bring Dean back? He jumped to his feet, ready to go see Sam but Bobby put a hand on his arm. He didn't see it coming and flinched back, looking over with wide eyes.

"You alright, boy?" Bobby asked and Dean opened his mouth, ready to lie, ready to say anything to keep a mask up but the concern he saw plain as day in Bobby's eyes had him closing his mouth. He just shook his head and Bobby's eyes narrowed. "You lied, didn't ya?"

"What?" Dean asked, confused and blinked a few times.

"You remember." It wasn't a question, or even a suggestion, it was said as a fact.

"I… yes," Dean said and shrugged off Bobby's hand. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Alright. I'm here if you need to, though. You know that, right?" Bobby asked, following Dean out to Bobby's car.

"I know. I just can't, Bobby," Dean said and had to blink again but this time to push his tears back.

"Maybe with Sam?"

"Maybe," Dean whispered as he climbed into the passenger seat. _Sam. _He needed Sam.

The drive felt like it took forever, Dean kept glancing at the clock but he didn't say a word. Bobby didn't say anything either, but the silence didn't feel awkward. It seemed Bobby understood that idle conversation was something Dean couldn't do right then. He had never been so thankful. Then the engine was off and Dean glanced up, surprised to see they were there.

"You ready?" Bobby asked, climbing out of the car. Dean just glanced at him before heading inside. It took a bribe of fifty bucks to get the room number and then they were making their way to Sam's room. Bobby was following Dean's lead, a few steps behind him and didn't push Dean to knock when he froze outside the motel room door. Dean took a deep breath and then raised a hand to knock. Moments later the door whipped open to reveal a short brunette girl.

"So where is it?" The girl asked but Dean was frozen staring at her. Something seemed… off. He tilted his head and they made eye contact. It was like a mask slipped for just a second and he saw the charred, bloodied face behind the brown eyes. _Demon. _And the face was familiar. He growled a bit and then was lunging at the girl, sending them both to the ground.

"Dean!" Bobby yelled out as Ruby tried to punch him in the face. Then some was crashing into him and he was the one on his back. He snarled at the face above him only to freeze when he saw wide, hazel eyes. Sam.

"Who are you? What are you?" Hatred twisted Sam's features and he raised a hand to punch Dean who flinched back but then Sam was pulled off of him by Bobby who was yelling something at Sam while Ruby was cowering against the wall. Dean, however, was frozen on the ground, eyes wide.

_"Sam?" Dean whispered as the familiar form walked up to him. He struggled against his restraints as tears filled his eyes. Not Sam. **No. **How did Sam get into Hell?_

_"Hello, Dean," Sam greeted with a grin and Dean shook his head. _

_"How are you here?" _

_"Oh, just decided to give into my dark side. Figured I'd come say hello," Sam shrugged but then his eyes flickered off to the side and Dean's eyes narrowed._

_"You're not Sam. New torturing trick, huh?" Dean spat and the one masquerading as Sam shrugged with a grin._

_"Guess we can't get passed you in this form, huh?"_

_"No." Dean said and 'Sam' sighed before he eyed Dean with a sneer, a look of pure hatred. Dean didn't like seeing that look on his face. He knew it wasn't his Sam but it made his gut twist all the same._

"Dean! C'mon, boy, snap out of it!"

"Dean? I'm so sorry! Please," a familiar voice pleaded and Dean blinked a few times to see Sam's face above his own.

"No!" Dean cried out, shoving away causing him to fall off the bed. "I said _stop _turning into him!"

"Dean?" Sam asked, frozen with wide eyes on the bed while Bobby slowly made his way to Dean who was gasping, trying to get in a breath but it was hard.

"Dean, you're not in Hell. Just breathe or else you're going to pass out on us," Bobby instructed and managed to catch Dean's eyes. It seemed to relax Dean some.

"Bobby?" Dean whispered and Bobby let out a sigh and nodded. "Sam?"

"I'm here, Dean," Sam was suddenly crowding down next to Dean and Dean couldn't have pushed down the wave of love that surged through him if he wanted to. _Sammy. _Dean flung himself at Sam, his arms coming around his little brother in a tight hug. Sam fell back on his butt, but he didn't push Dean away. No, he just wrapped his arms around Dean and let his brother hold him. Dean didn't want to cry, but he couldn't stop the tears that welled in his eyes and ran down his cheeks. Sam didn't say a word, just held Dean tighter. Dean hadn't felt this good in years, decades. It felt like home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello all! I just wanted to say THANK YOU to those who put this on their alerts, favorites, and thank you to Dean's Worshipper for reviewing. I really appreciate it. I hope you all like this second chapter! I know I do. (:**

**Warnings for this fic:**

**-Wincest (Sam/Dean) is endgame for this fic.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks of rape.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks/scenes of torture.**

**If anything mentioned will bother you, please turn back now. **

**As always, please review to let me know your thoughts.**

* * *

><p>Chapter Two<p>

Dean didn't know how much time passed while he and Sam sat on the floor. Bobby mentioned going out to get food and left but hadn't returned yet, making Dean think he was giving him and Sam some time. Dean also didn't know where Ruby was but she was gone. He didn't feel bad about attacking her, she was a demon. All demons were bad. He wanted to know why Sam was hanging out with her but didn't want to ask because he liked how light he felt. Liked how his mind wasn't plagued with memories of Hell.

"Dean?" Sam whispered his name and Dean jumped a bit, used to the silence. "Do you think we could get off the floor? It's not all that comfortable." Dean flushed a bit and nodded as he pulled back, not looking at Sam as he got to his feet.

"Sorry," he whispered and Sam put a hand on his shoulder, getting his attention. He looked up to see Sam's eyes were a little red and his face had tear trails but he saw the emotions swirling in his eyes and it made his chest feel funny.

"Don't apologize, Dean," Sam shook his head and let his hand drop after squeezing Dean's shoulder which caused Dean to hiss and pull back. "What is it?" Sam asked, concern coloring his tone.

"I don't know," Dean answered and pulled off his over shirt before sliding up the sleeve of his t-shirt. Both he and Sam sucked in a breath at the hand print on his left shoulder.

"How did that get there?" Sam asked after a moment and Dean shook his head.

"I don't know, maybe the thing that rode me outta Hell?" Dean said and Sam nodded, seeming to agree with Dean's logic. Dean put the sleeve back down and pulled on his shirt, feeling weirdly exposed for some reason. He shouldn't. He had been around more souls naked than he could count. "How did you do it?" He asked, trying to distract himself from his thoughts. He was doing that a lot.

"Do what?" Sam asked, going over to the fridge to pull out two beers. Dean paused as he held the bottle of beer in his hand. It had been a long time since he had one. "Dean?"

"Get me out," Dean said and shook his head to focus on Sam who sat down on the couch.

"I didn't," Sam answered with a shrug and Dean narrowed his eyes as he eyed his brother. Something was different.

"How else could I get out without a deal being made?" Dean questioned, stalking his brother. "What did it cost? Just your soul? Something worse?" Anger started to churn in his stomach, an emotion he hadn't felt in a long time and he knew he was glaring at Sam.

"I didn't, Dean! I tried," Sam said and shook his head, putting his beer down. "God, I wish it had been me, but no demon would deal! I just…" Sam trailed off and Dean eyed his teary eyes before nodding, seeing the truth in his eyes.

"Alright, I believe you," Dean answered and relaxed a bit. "I'm glad no one would deal with you."

"Dean…" Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"No, Sam. It's for the best."

Sam looked ready to say something but Bobby came in with a pizza and KFC. Dean glanced at Sam before going to help Bobby with the food. He didn't want to argue with Sam. He had just gotten back. He had never thought he'd escape Hell and he didn't want his first day to be even more fucked up than it already was. Sam was filling them in on some of the hunts he had been on, but honestly, Dean wasn't paying much attention. He barely managed to finish a slice of pizza before he was done, but he kept his plate on his lap, not wanting to attract attention to himself when he threw it away.

"Dean, you should show him," Sam's voice pulled him away from his thoughts and his picking apart the other slice on his plate. He looked up to see two sets of concerned eyes on him and he blinked a few times.

"What?"

"Show him the handprint," Sam said after a moment and Dean nodded, putting his plate down and showed Bobby who seemed more spooked than Sam or Dean.

"Think it was the thing that attacked the gas station?" Bobby asked.

"You were attacked?" Sam almost yelped and Dean sighed.

"Yes, and yes. Makes sense," Dean shrugged as he righted himself. Bobby nodded while Sam stared at him with bugged eyes.

"What happened?" Sam demanded and Dean sighed but told him of the glass shattering and how he heard a loud, high pitched sound. No, he didn't see anything.

"It'd have to be something pretty powerful to do that, and leave a mark on your soul," Bobby said as he leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful look on his face. Dean knew that he was running through all the lore in his head, trying to figure it out.

"My soul?" Dean whispered.

"Yeah, you're just a soul in Hell," Bobby said slowly, as if he didn't want to be talking. "And this thing dragged your soul back to your body and that's where it grabbed you."

Nausea rolled through Dean and he raced into the bathroom to throw up the little in his stomach. The thought of _another _mark on him was almost too much. He didn't like it. He heard and then felt Sam in the bathroom with him, rubbing a hand on his back in slow circles. His stomach calmed after a few minutes but he stayed where he was, resting his head on his arm which was resting on the toilet.

"God, Dean, what happened to you?" Sam probably didn't mean to say it aloud but he did and Dean flinched at Sam's words.

"You don't want to know," he answered and the hand on his back stopped moving.

"I do, Dean," Sam replied and Dean turned so he could look Sam in the eyes.

"No, Sam. You don't," he repeated himself and Sam seemed to freeze at whatever he saw in Dean's gaze.

"You alright?" Bobby's voice pulled them from their staring contest to look at Bobby who was leaning against the door jam, arms crossed.

"Yeah," Dean nodded and slowly climbed to his feet with Sam's help.

"You look tired," Bobby said and Sam murmured an agreement.

"I am," Dean nodded and collapsed down on the couch with a sigh.

"You can sleep on the bed," Sam suggested but Dean shook his head.

"I don't want to sleep," he said and ignored how Sam and Bobby were giving each other looks.

"It might do ya some good," Bobby said.

"I don't want to sleep," Dean said and hugged himself. He didn't want to sleep because he just _knew _that he'd dream of Hell and what he did and what was done to him. It was bad enough that it was running in the background of his mind, he didn't want a full-fledged rundown.

Sam and Bobby were whispering about something but Dean didn't pay attention to them, just rested his head back and stared at the ceiling which had a mirror on it. He smirked a bit at the implications but the smirk slid away as he eyed his reflection in it. His eyes has this wide, scared look to them and his skin was pale and shining with sweat from his up chucking. He looked like shit.

"I'm just gonna get myself my own room and call a friend who might be able to help us out with figuring out what got Dean out," Bobby said in a louder, more normal tone so Dean could hear as well. Dean raised his head and half smiled at Bobby who nodded back before leaving, the door sounding loud as it closed behind him.

He watched Sam who watched him before digging in a bag and pulling out a book. He sat down next to Dean, their thighs touching because of Dean's sprawl but it wasn't weird. If anything it helped Dean calm, it grounded him.

"Oh hey," Sam said and pulled off a necklace, "I figure you might want this back."

Dean's lips spread in a grin as Sam handed him the necklace he had never taken off since Sam gave it to him. "Thanks, Sammy," Dean said and Sam smiled back.

"No problem," Sam replied before opening his book. Dean was thankful he didn't push.

He was a little bored just sitting there. He knew he could put the TV on, go on Sam's laptop or even read but that all seemed like it would take too much effort so he just stared where he was. Eventually his eyelids started to droop and his breaths deepened until he was asleep. He didn't feel Sam put a blanket on him, hear Sam on the phone, or the argument that followed a calm conversation. For the moment, he was at peace. If only that would last.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello all! I hope you like this next chapter. Apologies for not getting this up sooner, but I was sick with the flu. The next update will be sometime this weekend!**

**Warnings for this fic:**

**-Wincest (Sam/Dean) is endgame for this fic.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks of rape.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks/scenes of torture.**

**If anything mentioned will bother you, please turn back now. **

**As always, please review to let me know your thoughts.**

* * *

><p>Chapter Three<p>

_"Hello Dean," a man walked up, tall as Sam, but he had a sneer on his lips and, his eyebrows lowered over his dark eyes. Demon._

_"What, you next in line?" Dean asked, his voice scratchy and rough sounding. The man grinned but it was more like a showcasing of all his teeth._

_"No, I'm just here to watch and make you a deal," the man said and ran his finger along Dean's thigh, or what was left of it. His fingers traced bone. Dean clenched his jaw but still screamed. It took him a few minutes to gain control of himself and the demon waited, eyes gleaming with pleasure at Dean's pain._

_"A deal is how I got here," Dean said and the demon chuckled._

_"True, but this deal will end your pain." Dean was suspicious. This was his first day down in Hell, why would they offer to end the pain now? Why at all?_

_"How?"_

_"Well," the demon purred and leaned over Dean's face so there was only inches between them. "The pain would end. No more torture for you." Dean was still suspicious._

_"What's the price of that?" Dean was sure he wasn't going to like it._

_"You get off the rack, and start putting souls on it," the demon said and ran his fingers down Dean's chest. The skin was missing in spots and so was some of his muscle. His whole body jerked and shook but he managed to not scream. "You just have to say yes and start the torturing yourself."_

_"Go fuck yourself," Dean spat into the demon's face but instead of getting mad, the demon laughed. Loudly._

_"Ah, it's makes me happy that you won't succumb easily." The demon stepped back and clasped his hands behind his back. "Well, then I shall see you later, Deano!"_

_"Who are you?" Dean asked._

_"Alastair, why?" The demon asked, tilting his head._

_"So I know who to gank first when I get outta here," Dean answered, knowing deep down he was stuck in Hell but he wasn't going to let this ass know how scared he was. The demon laughed and walked away._

_"Good luck with that," he heard and then he was alone in the dark. His body ached and he let the tears that he had shoving away run down his cheeks. Then, an odd sensation ran down his body and he glanced down to see his body was slowly healing. _

_"What the hell?" He said and slowly but surely, his body healed itself, eventually looking like nothing had been done to him. _

_"Here's to day two!" A female demon sang appearing out of nowhere. Dean thought he was ready but when the fire hot poker was shoved into his stomach, he couldn't hold back his screams._

Dean shot up with a scream, sweat coating his body and dripping off of his face.

"Dean!" Sam was suddenly at his side. He was on the couch. With Sam. In Illinois. The door suddenly was banged open and Dean couldn't help the flinch, covering his face. "Bobby," Sam growled out in warning. Dean was shaking, his heart pumping fear through his body.

"S-Sam?" He stuttered out, his teeth chattering.

"I'm here," Sam said, his hands resting on Dean's knees. Dean looked up into Sam's eyes and saw the fear, the worry, the concern. He clenched his fists, trying to get a hold on himself. It took a few minutes, but he managed to get the shaking to stop and his heart wasn't pounding as hard.

"Sorry," Dean apologized, feeling bad for causing a scene. He shivered as he remembered the grin on the demon's face as she plunged the poker into him.

"You've nothing to be sorry for," Sam said right away and squeezed his hands on Dean's knees. It sent a warmth through Dean that surprised him and he glanced at Sam to see if he felt it too, but Sam was standing and facing Bobby.

"I heard the scream," Bobby said and sent Dean a concerned look. "Sent shivers down my spine."

"Sorry," Dean whispered, missing the glare Sam shot Bobby. "What time is it?" Dean asked, glancing out the window seeing it was still dark out.

"About 1 AM." Bobby answered and Dean nodded. So he only got a few hours of sleep. He felt exhausted, like he could sleep for weeks but he'd put off sleeping as long as he could.

"Were you able to contact your friend?" Sam asked after a moment and Bobby nodded.

"Yeah, unless you two need some shut eye, I was thinking we could head out sooner rather than later," Bobby suggested and Dean looked up to see Sam looking at him.

"I'm good to go whenever," Dean said and Sam frowned.

"Sure you don't need more sleep?" Sam said and Dean shot him a look that told him what he thought of that idea. "Right," Sam sighed and nodded at Bobby. "I guess we can now."

"Alright," Bobby said. "I'll see you in the parking lot in fifteen."

Sam pretended to go through his bag as Dean got a hold of himself. Dean went to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face, hoping it would wake him up a little. It didn't. Sam knocking on the bathroom door caused him to jump but he was thankful. He didn't know how long he had been standing there, staring down at his hands. He ignored Sam's concerned look, pulling on his jacket and followed Sam out to the parking lot. Dean didn't know how he had missed her before, but there was his baby. The Impala.

"Guess I'm back to shotgun?" Sam asked and tossed something at Dean. Dean reached up and caught it automatically, the jingling causing him to look at the car keys. He grinned at the thought of driving the Impala and his grinned widened as he ran a hand across the roof of the car.

"Hey, sweetheart. Miss me?" He murmured, ignoring the amused snort he heard come from Sam.

"You boys try to keep up!" He heard Bobby call and he waved a hand in the air, letting Bobby know he heard him before climbing in. He put the keys in the ignition but froze when he saw the I-pod.

"Sam?" He asked, his voice low. Sam shrugged.

"It's just an I-pod," Sam said and Dean shook his head.

"I told you to take care of her, not douche her up." He knew he was overreacting, but it felt good to banter with Sam, to be able to give his brother crap.

"I thought the car was mine, Dean," Sam huffed and Dean just shot him a look before unplugging the I-pod and chucked it in the back, ignoring the low chuckle from Sam.

They were both pretty quiet as they followed Bobby to his friend's place. Dean was still tired, but the thoughts of figuring out what got him out of Hell and being in his car again was enough to push the exhaustion away. He felt the stares from Sam but didn't comment, not wanting to talk about Hell or anything serious. He just wanted to drive. But, he did meet Sam's eyes a few times and offer a small smile that seemed to shock Sam at first but after the first, Sam always smiled back before looking out his window.

Dean knew he was probably going to be shocking Sam a lot in the weeks to come. He hadn't seen Sam for fifty years! It had bugged him when Sam was in college and that had been only a fraction of the time he was in Hell. He just hoped Sam wouldn't call him out on his differences too soon. The hours slid away until finally they were parking and following Bobby up to the porch of his friend.

Pamela Barnes was a confident, sexy woman that Dean would have normally hit on as soon as he could but now he just smiled and said a hello before letting Bobby take over the conversation. He could feel more stares from Sam.

"Let's get started," Pamela said and motioned for them all to sit. Dean sighed shakily, nervous of what they could find out. Séance's always kind of put him on edge, but now this was about _him._ It was personal.

"I'm going to need something it touched," Pamela said and reached under the table, her hand grabbing his thigh, too close to his junk for comfort and he jumped, his hand tightening on Sam's.

"I-I wasn't touched there," Dean managed to get out and he could see her pause with an apologetic frown. Her eyes seemed to sear into him and she sat back a bit, looking as if she had been kicked in the gut. She was a psychic. She probably saw his memories, why being touched like that bothered him.

"My mistake," she murmured and Dean let go of Sam's hand, meeting his eyes to see the concern before Sam sent Pamela a look that Dean recognized. He was getting all protective. It shouldn't have warmed him like it did nor should it have been his breath catch, but it did. He shook his head and showed Pamela the mark. She put her hand on it and he retook Sam's hand. The mark was sore but not as much as before.

Then shit got real.

"I invoke, conjure and command you to appear before this circle!" Pamela continuously said, her voice getting louder each time.

"Maybe we should stop?" Sam offered as the radio and TV started going crazy.

"No, I almost got him!" Pamela shook her head and tightened her grip on Dean's shoulder. "No, Castiel, I don't scare that easy!"

"Castiel?" Bobby asked.

"Its name. It's warning me to stop looking, to turn back," Pamela answered and squeezed her eyes shut. But then she screamed, her eyes opening wide, the flames from the candles shooting up. Dean gasped and jerked back, memories of fire burning him. He heard Sam calling him as he slid to the floor, shaking and trying to catch his breath.

"Call 911!" He heard Bobby yelling, but Sam was grabbing Dean's shoulders, shaking him.

"Dean?"

Dean blinked a few times before his eyes locked with Sam's worried ones before shaking his head.

"Call 911, Sammy," he muttered and Sam eyed him before running off to get an ambulance on its way.

Dean was still sitting on the floor where he first landed, shaking. This thing couldn't be good. It had burned out Pamela's eyes just by her looking at it. Who, or what, was Castiel?


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello all! I hope you like this next chapter.**

**Warnings for this fic:**

**-Wincest (Sam/Dean) is endgame for this fic.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks of rape.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks/scenes of torture.**

**If anything mentioned will bother you, please turn back now. **

**As always, please review to let me know your thoughts.**

* * *

><p>Chapter Four<p>

"What did Bobby have to say?" Dean asked later that day as Sam joined him back at the table.

"Pamela will be okay… minus her eyes," Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

After the ambulance had whisked Pamela away, Sam had announced that he was taking Dean back to the motel. Dean had been relieved, he had been shaking for a long time. He knew that Sam was worried but what could Sam do? They had been driving through town when Dean saw the diner. He had been surprised when his stomach growled.

Sam looked surprised, but happy, when Dean asked if they could stop in for a bite to eat. But as they were walking up the diner, Bobby called so Sam waved him ahead while he answered the phone.

"I feel bad," Dean said, ripping his napkin into small pieces.

"Me, too. And we don't know jack so the whole thing was moot," Sam said but then stopped talking when the waitress finally stopped by. Dean didn't want a lot, didn't know if he could keep it down. He ordered a piece of pie, craving the comfort of a food he loved. Sam just asked for the same with an amused smile.

"We know something," Dean said and Sam raised his eyebrows. "Its name. Castiel."

"I guess," Sam nodded.

"So, uh," Dean swallowed audibly. "Why are you in town since you didn't… you know."

"The demons I've been tracking," Sam said with a frown. "Remember? I told you and Bobby last night."

"Oh," Dean said and wondered if that meant something. It had to. Right?

The waitress returned and plopped the plates down causing Dean to jump but then the waitress sat down as well causing the brothers to glance at each other.

"Can we help you?" Sam asked after a moment and the waitress grinned at them in a way that sent shivers down Dean's spine.

"Sam—" Dean tried to warn him when he saw her face flicker.

"You're been looking for us, ain't ya?" The waitress said, her eyes becoming swallowed in black. That only confirmed Dean's fears. He looked over to see the others were demons, too. Fear pounded through his veins and his hands started to shake. Sam was glaring at the demon as if he could destroy the demon with his eyes.

"What do you want?" Dean forced himself to ask, hating how his voice wavered just a bit.

"What do I want," the demon mused. "I want to see you eat your own intestines. I want to see you scream. I want to see you both dead."

"I will end you before you lay a hand on Sam," Dean snapped, suddenly angry. It was one thing to hurt him but another to fuck with his little brother.

"You could try," the demon snorted. "Or I could send you back downstairs."

"Try, bitch," Sam hissed, looking ready to jump her. Dean was able to push the fear down, anger still flowing.

"You won't," Dean said.

"Oh, I won't?"

"No. Because something powerful got me out and none of you know what. This is way above your pay grade," Dean said and saw the worry, the fear, in the demon's eyes. It gave him a rush. He suddenly ached to hold a blade in his hand, ached to put his demon in her place. His hand shook as he gripped the butter knife.

_"It's easy," Alastair said, eyeing the soul that was crying and begging to be released with a lustful eye._

_"I-I don't know—" _

_"You want back on the rack?" Alastair asked, sending him an amused look. Dean shook his head, his hands shaking as he picked up the first blade he saw. It was short, only a few inches long but had a sharp edge. _

_"You know I don't," Dean answered and sent the girl an apologetic glance. He didn't want to hurt her, but after **forty **years, he couldn't take it anymore! He knew after the first couple of years, he'd eventually crumble and he crumble he did. He feel apart and while it made him feel like the lowest of scum, he had to take the offer._

_"Then let's get you started," Alastair said, coming back to his side. He put an arm around Dean's shoulders and led him over to the girl. She began to scream louder, begging for God to help her. Dean couldn't help but snort. God didn't exist. If he did, then he was a real asshole for letting things go so bad on Earth._

_"Just take it easy, one little slice and it'll become so easy," Alastair whispered in his ear. Dean swallowed and rested the blade against her squirming stomach. "Do it, Dean."_

_Dean took a deep breath and looked over, meeting the wet eyes of the girl. He knew what it was like to be in her place. Knew what it was like to have someone not listen to the pleas. Knew what it was like to be ignored. But what he knew most of all was the pain. Never again._

_"Never again," Dean said aloud and forced himself to shove the blade down into the woman's soft stomach. _

_He hated himself for it, but he felt a rush. Excitement curled in his stomach and he jerked the blade to the side, causing the girl to scream louder. He took a deep breath and looked over at Alastair who was grinning at him. _

_"That's my boy." _

Dean took a deep breath, seeing the worried look from Sam and the annoyed from the demon. "You won't send me back to the pit because you can't chance pissing someone important off."

Dean stood, dropping the butter knife, and nodded Sam who sent the bitch another dirty look.

"Let's go Sam," Dean said and walked to the door, hearing Sam follow. The demon at the door stepped aside with a sneer.

When they got to the car, the anger suddenly left him. He started shaking and sweating, beads running down his face. Sam didn't notice, going to the driver side door, unlocking it but as he opened it, he looked over at Dean.

Two different kinds of fear were rushing through Dean. One was the ever present fear of everything that he constantly felt. The other fear was the fear of himself. He had been refusing to let himself think about what he had done to others in the pit and that demon brought it all back. He had wanted to hurt the demon, not even thinking about the innocent person that could be alive inside.

"Dean?"

Dean jumped with a gasp, having not noticed Sam walk up to him. Dean's shaking got a little worse and he could feel his stomach rolling. He didn't get a chance to taste the pie, he thought distantly.

"Damn it," Sam sighed, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder which caused Dean to jump again. "I should go back in there and take that bitch out."

"Can't," Dean croaked out, reaching up to grab Sam's arm, suddenly afraid Sam _would _try to take them out on his own. He _couldn't_ lose Sam. "Can't take 'em all out alone."

"I…I know," Sam sighed, tightening his grip on Dean's shoulder. Dean finally looked up and met Sam's angry, worried eyes. "You okay?"

Dean hesitated to answer before shaking his head. "No," he choked out, tears filling his eyes. He felt like a chick but he had a sudden ache for physical comfort. He didn't let himself think it over, he just fell into Sam's chest. He heard Sam say his name but he couldn't respond, just shook his head and wrapped his arms around Sam.

Slowly, Sam held him back and then tightened his grip, pulling Dean snug against him. Just then, in that moment, Dean felt good, felt normal. He didn't feel like the Hell bred monster that he was.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello all! I hope you like this next chapter.**

**Warnings for this fic:**

**-Wincest (Sam/Dean) is endgame for this fic.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks of rape.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks/scenes of torture.**

**If anything mentioned will bother you, please turn back now. **

**As always, please review to let me know your thoughts.**

* * *

><p>Chapter Five<p>

After the diner fiasco, Sam called Bobby back who promised to rush back, worried the demons would go after them. By the time it was dark, Dean was exhausted. He had been browsing books they had, trying to see if he could find anything related to whatever a 'Castiel' was but he fell asleep. He didn't see Sam sneak off with a worried, desperate look on his face.

Something jerked him into consciousness and it took him a minute to realize it was the TV going crazy. He rolled over and grabbed his gun as a high pitched noise started to fill the room. It was just like in the gas station, he realized as his head started to pound. He dropped his gun with a cry and glass started to shatter. He dove to the ground as the mirrors on the ceiling started to fall to the ground as well.

He heard his name being called but didn't move from his spot. He could feel blood trickling down his arms and then it all stopped. He looked up with wide eyes to see an equally freaked out Bobby.

"That what you were talking about?" Bobby asked, helping Dean to his feet.

"Yup," Dean croaked out and cleared his throat.

"Must have been that Castiel," Bobby commented, looking around at the mess.

Dean frowned and glanced at the untouched bed. Where was Sam? But then he was relieved Sam was gone. He could have gotten hurt. He licked his lips and turned to Bobby, his thoughts whirring.

"Bobby," Dean said his name quietly causing Bobby to look at him then sigh.

"I ain't gonna like this," Bobby said and Dean cringed a little.

"No. But he we have to," Dean paused. "We have to summon this Castiel."

"Of course we have to," Bobby said but after a moment nodded.

"I'd feel better if Sam was here," Bobby said as they did the finishing touches on the protective sigils.

"We don't need him," Dean said in a firm tone. He didn't want Sam around if things went south with this Castiel.

"Where did Sam go anyway?" Bobby asked after a few minutes.

"Don't know. I'll call him," Dean said, walking outside. He dialed Sam's number and it took Sam a few rings to answer. An odd tingle ran down his spine as his thoughts swirled on Sam. Something was up. But, what?

"Dean?" Sam answered and his tone put Dean even more on edge. It was the tone Sam used to use when he was doing something that he didn't want to get in trouble for.

"Hey, where are you?" Dean asked, keeping his tone neutral but slightly curious.

"Just needed some air and a drink." A pause. "What's up? You okay?" Concern colored Sam's voice and the weird tone was suddenly gone. It took Sam repeating his name to get Dean to answer.

"I'm fine. Just getting food with Bobby. Wanted to make sure you didn't want anything_." Wanted to see if you were okay_, he didn't say.

"Oh, no. I'm good," Sam said. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Fine, Sam." Dean sighed and closed his eyes. Who was he kidding?

"Dean…"

"Uh, food's ready. See you later," he said and hung up the phone. He stood there for a moment, wondering what was up with Sam. He wouldn't let himself think on how off he was from what he used to be.

"Dean, I'm starting the summoning spell!" Bobby called. Dean sighed but went back in, turning his phone off, not wanting to risk Sam calling him back during whatever went down. Dean took a deep breath as he eyed all the markings on the walls. He hoped it was enough.

Bobby finished his chant and they both stood there, waiting for something to happen but nothing did.

"Did you do it wrong?" Dean asked but shut his mouth at the glare Bobby sent him.

"No. I know what I'm doing, boy."

"Sorry," Dean muttered. Then the minutes dragged by. They didn't talk, just stayed alert. Thirty minutes passed and Dean was getting annoyed when the wind really picked up. Inside. The lights swung and the ceiling pieces banged and shook.

"Here we go," Bobby said and they both armed themselves. The doors suddenly whipped open and a man walked in. He and Bobby didn't hesitate and started shooting. The thing walked right over the devil's trap without even a flinch. Not a demon. What the hell was this Castiel? The bullets did nothing to slow him down and slowly he made his way over until there was only a few feet between him and the two men. Then with a quick step, he touched Bobby's forehead and Bobby fell to the floor.

Dean grabbed the demon killing blade and shoved it into the thing's shoulder as it eyed Bobby's body. Nothing happened. Adrenaline had been pushing him thus far but now fear was mixing in as well. He stumbled away, not wanting to die. Whatever this thing was, it was like nothing he had ever seen before.

"I am not here to hurt you." The thing, Castiel, sighed and then yanked the blade out of its shoulder.

"Who are you?" Dean asked, gripping the table behind him.

"Castiel." Dean nodded slowly before looking down at Bobby. As soon as Castiel stepped away, Dean was leaning down to check on Bobby. He blew out a relieved breath when he felt a steady pulse.

"He is only asleep," Castiel told him and Dean backed away again.

"What are you?" Dean asked, clenching his hands into fists so Castiel wouldn't see them shaking. He suddenly wished he had Sam there. He'd know how to take this thing down. The kid always knew so much. Too much.

"I am an angel of the Lord," Castiel answered, turning to face Dean who snorted in disbelief.

"Yeah, and I'm the President of the United States," Dean replied, eyeing the weapons laid out on the table. Something told him nothing they had would work.

"That is one of your many flaws, Dean Winchester," Castiel said. His piercing blue eyes shot Dean to his core. Pity, compassion, concern. So many emotions and they all seemed genuine. But there was something else. Something that sent a shiver down his spine.

"Well, nobody is perfect," Dean said after a moment, hoping he didn't sound as freaked as he felt. "But you can't be an angel. They—"

Wind suddenly whipped harshly at his and Castiel's clothes and thunder rumbled from the sky. The lights suddenly glowed brighter, some exploding. It wasn't any of this that sent Dean to his knees with a gasp. The body of the human Castiel was in seemed to fade away. Instead, a glowing winged creature was before him. The form's light seemed to shoot to the sky and it burned his eyes but he couldn't look away.

"So big, so many wings," Dean muttered before closing his eyes. It was all too much to take in.

"What did you say?" Castiel asked, suddenly crouched before Dean.

"So many wings," Dean repeated, opening his eyes.

"How did you see that? How did you see my true form?" Castiel demanded, his hands clasping down on Dean's shoulders.

"I don't know." Dean shook his head, glad that all he could see was Castiel's meat suit.

"You should not be able to see so much," Castiel muttered, eyeing Dean's body.

"Trust me, this ain't fun for me," Dean said.

"This is going to hurt," Castiel suddenly said, shoving the sleeves up his arm.

"Hurt? What are you—" His scream cut his words off as Castiel's hand buried itself into his chest. It felt like hours passed but it could have been seconds. Castiel's hand suddenly was gone and it left Dean gasping. He fell back onto his butt and looked up to see Castiel staring at him with horrified eyes.

"What the hell was that?" Dean asked, rubbing his chest. It was sore, like his shoulder, but this pain was fading away.

"H-how? This can't be," Castiel whispered. His being spooked was freaking Dean out. What could an angel be scared of?

"What did you do?" Dean asked.

"I examined your soul." Dean flinched. Another scar for him to bear.

"And…what did you find out?" Dean wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"You… aren't completely human." What? Not human? "I am sorry, Dean."

"What the fuck do you mean I'm not human? _What am I_?" Dean was borderline hysterical. He pushed himself to his feet and stumbled over to Castiel who was still eyeing him with wide eyes.

"You are… some sort of hybrid," Castiel answered after a moment.

"A hybrid? Of _what_?"

"Some demon-human hybrid. I must seek revelation," Castiel said and then was gone with the sound of wings flapping. Demon-human hybrid? The words echoed through his mind as if Castiel had shouted them in his ear. He fell back to his knees, his legs unable to keep him upright. He didn't realize he was whimpering and that tears were running down his face. He didn't realize he was having a panic attack until Bobby was calling his name and shaking him, telling him to breathe but by then the black was covering his eyes and he let himself fall into the abyss, needing the escape.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello all! I hope you like this next chapter.**

**Warnings for this fic:**

**-Wincest (Sam/Dean) is endgame for this fic.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks of rape.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks/scenes of torture.**

**-NEW there are some thoughts/attempts/actions on suicide.**

**If anything mentioned will bother you, please turn back now. **

**As always, please review to let me know your thoughts.**

* * *

><p>Chapter Six<p>

_Dean fell to the wet floor, not thinking about what had made the floor wet. His jaw ached and his ass throbbed. The rest of his body hurt as well but nothing compared to his two end points. _

_"Huh. No more whimpering?" Alastair's voice was distanced, as if he was speaking in the next room but Dean could see his feet only inches from his face. _

**_"Dean?"_**

_"No more protesting?" Alastair crouched down and brushed his fingers down Dean's face. Dean didn't even flinch anymore._

**_"Dean, please…"_**

_"Please," Dean whispered, needing a break—just a few minutes._

_"Please?" Alastair laughed and gripped Dean's neck tight, cutting off his air supply._

**_"Bobby, what the hell-"_**

_Bobby?_

_"You're mine," Alastair snarled, picking Dean up off the floor. "All mine. Always mine."_

"Dean!"

Dean shot up with a cry, fists swinging. They collided with something, someone, by the grunt. It wasn't until he was sitting up that he realized he was okay. He wasn't in Hell with Alastair.

"Bobby?" Dean frowned at the man on the floor.

"Yeah, ya idjit. Who'd you think I was?" Dean swallowed at Bobby's words but didn't answer.

"Dean?" Sam's voice had Dean scrambling to look at his brother who was sitting next to him, almost behind him.

"Sam?" Dean whispered and reached out a hand to touch him but froze.

_Demon-human hybrid. _

"Dean?" Sam reached out and clasped Dean's hand that was frozen in the air tight in his hand, bringing it down to the bed but didn't let go. "You okay?"

"Sammy." Dean wanted to crawl over and get surrounded by his freakishly big little brother, but he didn't. Tears filled his eyes as the words echoed through his mind. Sam and Bobby should kill him. By all rights, he was a monster. But he didn't want to die. Didn't want to go back to the pit. Didn't want to leave Sam.

"What did that Castiel do to ya, kid?" Bobby asked, voice surprisingly gentle. He flinched at the angel's name and went to pull away but Sam wouldn't let his hand go. Instead, Sam pulled Dean closer and put an arm around his shoulders. Dean did _not_ melt into Sam's side. Only, he did. But just a little bit.

"Dean?"

Could he really ask Sam or Bobby to kill him? He knew he'd never be able to kill either of them. Not unless they were a monster. But killing a monster that didn't look like one or really act like one was hard. Sam had always had a soft heart, Bobby, too when it came to him and Sam. Damn it. He'd have to do it himself.

Blinking a few times, he realized Sam was shaking him and was arguing with Bobby. He seemed to be getting lost in thought a lot these days. Dean glanced around the room and frowned. A new motel, it seemed. He pulled away from Sam and got off the bed, grabbing the other men's attention. He saw the duffel bag that they always used to carry weapons around and dug into it to grab his trusty Taurus. He checked to make sure the clip was loaded. It was. He ignored the questions Bobby and Sam were asking, trying to keep himself calm but his hands were shaking just a little bit.

"What are you doing?" Bobby asked as Dean cocked the gun.

"Dean?"

Dean turned to see Sam and Bobby were side by side with matching worried expressions.

"You guys need to leave," Dean choked out as his eyes burned. He hated crying. He always seemed to be teary eyed nowadays.

"Leave? Why?" Sam asked, frown deepening.

"So you won't be here when the police arrive."

"Police? Why would the—"

"We ain't leaving so you can blow your brains out, Dean!" Bobby snapped causing Dean to flinch and Sam to gasp.

"Dean! Why would you kill yourself?" Sam asked, stepping forward but froze when Dean raised the gun some.

"B-because neither of you would, and I could never ask it of you, either," Dean answered and wiped away the tears on his cheeks.

"Why do you think you need to kill yourself?" Sam asked, eyes wet and wide. Dean swallowed audibly and shook his head.

"Castiel said—"

"This Castiel told you to kill yourself?" Bobby growled out and Dean shook his head but Bobby wasn't really looking at him. "We don't even know what this thing is. Hell, he knocked me out with just a simple touch!"

"He's an angel!" Dean burst out, chest heaving.

"An angel?" Sam asked, looking lost.

"Yes. He said he was an angel. Like one of God's angels-"

"How do you know—"

"Because he showed me his true form! I saw his wings and he glowed so bright it burned my eyes!" That shut Bobby up and Sam kept blinking.

"So, an angel told you to… kill yourself?" Sam whispered.

"_No_," Dean sighed. This was getting old, and getting him off track. "Guys, please. You don't want to see this. _I_ don't want you to see this."

"I don't care if God himself told you to kill yourself. I won't let you," Sam said, eyes blazing with emotion. A tingle ran down Dean's spine that had his eyes narrowing on Sam. He felt something similar when he noticed the two demons before. But what caught him off guard was the heat that curled in his abdomen at Sam's words. He was lusting after his own brother? Jesus. He really was a hybrid from Hell.

"Sam's right, Dean. We won't let ya," Bobby nodded and Dean shook his head.

"You'd only be pushing the inevitable to a later time."

"Inevitable?"

"What did this…angel say that makes you think you need to off yourself?" Bobby asked and Dean cringed.

"It's better if you don't know. I don't want you to hate me, even if I'm dead," Dean answered.

"I'd never hate you, Dean," Sam was quick to jump in. "How about you give me the gun and we talk this all out… and if it's best that you die, then _I'll _do it." Dean wanted to accuse Sam of lying, but he knew his brother. So either Sam actually wanted him dead (contradicting himself) or he couldn't imagine any scenario where Dean deserved to be killed. He knew he wouldn't be able to just do this, he should have just done this when he was alone. Now, he had to explain.

"A-Alright," Dean said and held out the gun. Sam snatched it out of his hand and had the safety on in seconds. Both Sam and Bobby looked visibly relaxed as Sam tucked the gun in the back of his jeans.

"Now, tell us what Castiel said," Sam said. The way he said Castiel's name in awe had Dean biting down jealously. He really needed to sit down and think all this through. He had noticed the need to be closer to Sam, figured it was because he trusted Sam and was the only one he could get comfort from but… this? This was more than just asking for some comfort. This was thinking about doing things to Sam that he should be shot for. His name being called had him focusing and he sighed but nodded.

"When Castiel showed himself to prove what he was, I—" He ran a hand down his face. He did not want to tell them everything but he had to. It had been bad enough that he could see demons real faces (he needed to talk to Sam about why he had been hanging with Ruby, he reminded himself, if he survived this conversation) but now that it was confirmed not to be a fluke, a side effect of being in Hell, that just made everything worse.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was soft, encouraging.

"Right," Dean cleared his throat. "When he showed me his true form, I saw more than I should have—"

"What do you mean?" Bobby asked, the curious expression on his face familiar.

"I saw all sets of wings, all his faces, and uh, he's huge. Like Chrysler Building huge." Dean felt uncomfortable with how interested Sam and Bobby looked, their gazes glued to him.

"And what _should_ you have been able to see?" Sam asked.

"I'm not sure," Dean shrugged.

"What happened after that?" Bobby asked and Dean winched, a hand coming up to touch his chest.

"Dean?"

"Somehow, he examined my soul. Dug his hand right through my chest…. Worse pain I've felt since…" He sighed and sat down on the end of the bed. Sam plopped down next to him while Bobby paced.

"Jeeze," Sam breathed out and put a hand on Dean's thigh. Before Hell, Dean probably would have knocked Sam's hand way. He probably should have, with the way he was thinking, but Sam's hand was warm and grounding.

"What did Castiel find out?" Bobby asked after a moment and Dean flinched. As if sensing Dean's need to flee, Sam's hand gripped his thigh in a firm hold.

"He said… I'm not completely human," Dean quietly said and Sam's grip became painful. Bobby whirled to stare down at him.

"Then… what are you?" He could see Bobby inching towards the weapons bag and had to close his eyes. He didn't want to see the bullet coming.

"H-he said I'm a human-demon hybrid." Sam gasped beside him and he heard the guns clanging in the bag.

"H-he could be lying!" Sam said and Dean shook his head.

"He's not," Dean said and heard a gun being cocked.

"Bobby! This is Dean!" Sam jumped to his feet, shielding Dean from Bobby.

"Maybe, but he's holding something back." Bobby's tone was sure and low. "Step aside, Sam."

"No," Sam said, backing up so his legs hit Dean's knees. Dean finally opened his eyes and gently pushed Sam to the side. "Dean?"

"Bobby's right. I've been holding stuff back." Sam turned to look at him with wide, conflicted eyes.

"See?" Bobby said, gun aimed at Dean's chest. It hurt to see the gun aimed at him but he understood. He'd be doing the same.

"Two times now I've seen demons… their true forms under their meat suits," Dean said and looked up at Sam who flinched—he knew Dean was referring to Ruby. "It's like right before the Hell hounds came to get me—piercing the veil. I figured it was just that. Or maybe a fluke. But there's also when I was at Bobby's…" Bobby trained the gun at his head and Dean swallowed but nodded. He'd accept his death.

"What about at Bobby's?" Sam's voice wobbled a bit as he asked.

"The holy water, it, well, it caused my skin to itch until I wiped it all off." Two breaths sucked in and he held out his arms. "So, go ahead, Bobby. End it. I'm a monster. Monsters need to be taken out."

"No!" Sam shouted and glared at Bobby. "You're not going to kill him. He's still _Dean_. Who cares if he is a hybrid! He isn't hurting anyone—"

"Yet," Dean cut in, drawing their attention. "I could go dark side, Sam. I'm connected to _Hell._ Who knows what will happen?"

"You won't," Sam argued but Dean kept his gaze on Bobby. Bobby's eyes were sad but he seemed to understand Dean. Another gun being cocked drew his attention and he looked over to see Sam aiming the gun he took from Dean at Bobby.

"If you shoot him, you will die before you draw your next breath," Sam growled out but his eyes were wet. This was such a fucked up situation.

"Sam, you know I don't want to but Dean could turn and—"

"If he does, I'll handle it." Sam nodded towards the door. "But for now, you need to leave."

"Sam!" Dean blinked in shock at what was happening. He locked eyes with Sam and was shocked by how upset Sam was. He shouldn't have been, but he was.

"I've already lost you once, Dean. Never again." Dean could understand that. When Sam had laid dead on the mattress, he had been a wreck and a total asshole to Bobby.

"Fine. Just don't call me when he suddenly has black eyes," Bobby said, grabbing his keys and coat but before he closed the door, he looked at Dean with an expression he didn't really understand. Sam kept the gun trained on Bobby until the door closed with a loud _click._

Sam lowered the gun but his hand was shaking pretty bad. Dean got up and slowly took the gun out of Sam's hand, putting the safety on before tossing it on the table.

"Sam?" Dean asked, stepping close to Sam, leaving only inches between them. Sam's eyes were tear and pain filled and it hurt Dean to see him so upset. God, when had he turned into such a girl?

"I can't lose you again, Dean," Sam said and Dean nodded.

"It's okay, Sammy. I'm not going anywhere," Dean whispered.

"But-but you were going to—"

"You'll stop me before I go all Darth Vader, right? You'll keep me human," Dean said, partly to assure Sam but also to be reassured.

"Right." Sam nodded before yanking Dean into a tight hug that Dean returned with just as much fervor. Minutes passed before Sam pulled back, but only a little, and he was eying Dean's face with an odd look on his face.

"Sam?" Dean whispered and Sam licked his lips. Dean couldn't _not_ look at the now wet lips as his new interest in Sam flared but he forced himself to meet Sam's eyes again.

"Fuck it," Sam suddenly whispered and leaned down to crush his lips against Dean's.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello all! I hope you like this next chapter.**

**Warnings for this fic:**

**-Wincest (Sam/Dean) is endgame for this fic.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks of rape.**

**-There'll be mentions/references/flashbacks/scenes of torture.**

**-NEW there are some thoughts/attempts/actions on suicide.**

**If anything mentioned will bother you, please turn back now. **

**As always, please review to let me know your thoughts.**

* * *

><p>Chapter Seven<p>

Dean froze. What was going on? _Sam had kissed him_. Just as Sam started to pull back, Dean leaned up to return the kiss. Sam made a noise of surprise before kissing Dean as if he was starved for the kisses. Finally, after who knows how long, Sam pulled back. They both just stared at each other, checking to see if the other was okay.

"Dean? Say something," Sam whispered and Dean shook his head.

"What? I don't know what to say," Dean said and stepped back, suddenly feeling the need for space. His mind was in overdrive. Sam had kissed _him_. He didn't kiss Sam.

"I don't either." Sam paused and tilted his head. "I'm surprised you didn't punch me."

"Why would I punch you?" Dean frowned.

"Uh, because I kissed you? Because we're brothers?" Sam threw out and if it wasn't such a serious situation, Dean would have laughed at Sam's wide eyes and flailing arms.

"Do you think I would have kissed you back if I wasn't at least a little interested?" Dean countered.

"W-What?" Sam seemed like the idea of Dean liking it didn't even cross his mind.

Dean sighed and turned away. He probably should be freaking out a little but he was honestly a little relieved. Relieved he wasn't in this alone. Since he got back from Hell, he and Sam had been more touchy-feeling than they used to be and he had been so focused on how touchy he was that he didn't realize until then that Sam had been as well. The signs had been there, how hadn't he noticed them? But he also he needed to say something if the look Sam was giving him was anything to go by.

"Sam, you've got to understand," Dean said, feeling the need to explain his thoughts. "I was in Hell a long time—"

"I know, Dean. Five months. I lived through not having you here," Sam said and Dean shook his head.

"For you, it was five months. For me… for me, it was longer." Sam frowned in confusion. "Time runs differently in Hell. The five months it was for you….it was fifty years for me."

"What?" Sam went pale.

"Yeah, I know." Dean nodded. "And to get through, I-I needed an anchor." He remembered screaming for Sam, praying to Sam. It had always been Sam. Sam, Sam, Sam. "So I kept my mind on you. Man, there were days I couldn't remember _my_ name but I remembered you. And since I got back, I'm sure you've noticed, I've needed you and my thoughts haven't always been…clean. So, you and me? Sure, it kinda freaks me out but I also… I also don't care because it feels good. Feels right."

That was the most Dean could remember speaking at one time in a long time. It was an odd day for Dean. Sam looked like he was either going to pass out or throw up. Sam also didn't look like he was breathing.

"Sammy? Breathe," Dean ordered, stepping back to Sam who gripped his arms tight.

"Fifty _years_?" Sam choked out.

"Yeah. But I'm back now, Sam. I'm fine." It was automatic to say he was fine, to say whatever it took for Sam to calm down.

"You aren't fine!" The words exploded out of Sam and Dean couldn't help the flinch. "Like that! Before, nothing scared you! Before you'd eat a whole pizza and ask for more! You—"

"Well, that was before I was tortured for years on end!" Dean yelled back, hurt and angry.

"You didn't have to be!" Sam shouted and Dean froze for a second, thinking Sam somehow knew about the deal he made with Alastair before realizing what he meant.

"And what? Just have left you dead?"

"Yes, Dean! You should have burned my body and moved on!" Sam turned away with a growl and Dean couldn't help but snort.

"So you just let me die? You didn't try to make deals to bring me back? Didn't do whatever—"

"Fine, yes!" Sam exploded, turning back to Dean, hands shaking at his sides, looking at Dean with an angry, desperate expression.

"Sam? You okay?" Dean's anger was gone in an instant but Sam just seemed to get angrier at his words. He grabbed his jacket and phone before storming to the door. "Where are you going?"

"Out. I just need some air. I need… to think." Sam slammed the door in Dean's face, cutting off Dean calling after him. What the hell just happened?

"Hello, Dean." Dean jumped and turned to see Castiel staring at him with sad eyes.

"Jesus! Where'd you come from?" Dean asked, running a hand down his face.

"Heaven," Castiel answered.

"And…why are you here? To drop another bomb on me?" Dean asked and Castiel blinked at him in confusion.

"I am here…. Well, I am here because I've nowhere else to go," Castiel answered, looking around the room.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, feeling lost.

"When rescuing you from Hell, Heaven lost many soldiers—but that would have been acceptable, forgivable. It was for a good cause. I… I was leading them and we took too long to get to you. You should have returned fully human. But you were there so long… You seemed to form a connection to Hell since you were on your way to becoming a demon."

"Wait…what?" Dean felt like the hits kept coming. When were they going to stop? Becoming a demon? God.

"Yes. The pace you were going…" Castiel paused and tilted his head. "I am upsetting you."

"You think?" Dean snorted and sat down on the bed.

"I saw Sam leave in a hurry. Did you tell him about what you are or did he tell you what he has been up to?" Castiel asked, walking over to the window to look out.

"Yeah, I told him." Dean nodded but then blinked. "Wait, what? What has Sam been up to?"

"Oh," Castiel turned back to look at him. "One doesn't share others secrets, correct?"

Dean couldn't help but stare at him in disbelief. Was this guy serious?

"No, people don't usually share others secrets," Dean said and Castiel nodded seriously.

"I will remember that," Castiel said and Dean shook his head.

"Well, you opened your mouth, Cas. What is Sam up to?" Did he want to know?

"Cas?" Castiel tilted his head. The angel reminded him of an animal. But then again, he wasn't human. "Oh, a nickname."

"Yes, _Cas_, a nickname. Now, Sam? What's going on there?"

"He has been up to things… things we…they in Heaven do not agree with," Castiel said and Dean frowned.

"What do you mean 'they', you're an angel, too, right? And what is Sam doing?" God, he needed a drink.

"Because of my failure to get you out in time, I am being… trialed," Castiel said and pulled out a chair at the crappy, round table to sit down.

"What if things don't… go your way?" Dean asked, feeling guilty. If he hadn't said yes, then he'd be human now, and Castiel wouldn't be in trouble. Castiel looked at him and the answer was in his expression. "That's bullshit, Cas. You shouldn't be in trouble for my… my mistakes."

"The fault is not on you, Dean." Castiel sighed.

"It is," Dean shook his head. "But Sam… you mentioned Sam."

"Yes, he has been meeting with some demon, you know her—"

"Ruby."

"Yes," Castiel paused and Dean stood, not liking the look on his face.

"What else?" Dean asked.

"I guess since I will be dead any time now, I have nothing left to lose," Castiel said and walked over to him, reaching up.

"What are you doing?" Then Castiel touched his forehead and he jumped, whirling around but he was alone.

"C'mon, Sam, you need to let the anger out," a female voice said and Dean frowned. He was currently behind a stack of random shit and he peaked around the edge to see someone bound in a chair, Sam and Ruby. What was Sam doing?

"Shut up, Ruby," Sam shot at the short brunette before raising a hand, facing it towards the bound man.

"Please, no!" The man pleaded before he started choking on air. Dean wanted to go help the man but then he saw the demon in the man and the smoke that started to come out of his mouth.

"Concentrate," Ruby said, running a hand down Sam's back. Dean glared and had to resist storming over to gank the bitch.

"I am." Then the demon was pouring out of the body and slammed into the ground. Dean saw the twisting face, the fear of going back to Hell. Dean understood all too well. Sam went over and touched the man's neck. "He's alive!"

"I told you that you could do it," Ruby praised with a smirk and walked around him to rest her hands on his chest. Again, jealousy rose in Dean.

"Yeah, I feel better now." Sam nodded down at her.

"Want to feel even better?" Ruby seemed to purr. In response Sam pushed her back against the wall, holding her right arm up against it. Sam was sleeping with Ruby? It hurt. More than he thought it would. Dean looked around, wanting to see where the exit was. Castiel had dropped him off without a way out. Awesome. The only way out would be to go past Sam and Ruby. So, either he outted himself, or he waited while they did it. Neither was a good option but he hated the idea of listening and seeing it happen more. He peaked back around the corner and saw Sam cutting Ruby's arm.

"What the hell?" Dean whispered and Ruby's eyes met his as Sam's mouth latched onto the cut. She grinned at him before gasping and yanking her arm away from Sam.

"Dean!"

"Dean?" Sam whirled around and Dean couldn't help but gape at his little brother. Blood was smeared over his chin and around his lips, his eyes were wild and wide but as they stared at each other, Sam seemed to lose the wild edge and begin to look scared. Dean didn't know what to say but he just knew…it was wrong. Had to be. Drinking demon blood? Wasn't that what caused the problems in their life? Azazel feeding Sam demon blood when he was a baby? Plus, Castiel said _Heaven _didn't like this. That meant it was bad, right?

"Sammy," Dean whispered, shaking his head. Not sure on what to say. God. His brother was exorcising demons with his mind! He closed his eyes to take a deep breath, his heart beat was fast and his breaths were coming in too quick.

"Dean, just-just let me explain," Sam's voice sounded close and Dean jumped, opening his eyes to see Sam's face only a foot from his face. The blood was still there on his face. Sam had drank Ruby's blood. Drinking blood…

_"Open your mouth!" The demon growled at him and Dean glared, shaking his head, ignoring the pain that was radiating in his body. Dean wouldn't give the damn demons an inch. _

_"Then we'll make him." A saw started to cut into his ankle. Dean arched on the slab, a scream escaping him and then a bloody arm was shoved on his mouth, blood started pouring down. It was metallic but it wasn't disgusting because of that. It was the sulfur in the blood. It tasted like rotten eggs. As soon as the arm was removed, Dean was puking the blood back up all over himself. Drinking demon blood was disgusting, he hated it. Hated demon blood. Hated demons. _

"Dean, please, I'm sorry!"

Dean moaned and blinked a few times to see he was on the floor. Why was he on the floor? But then he saw Sam's bloody face and remembered. Demon blood. The black was still pulling at the edge of his vision and he let himself fall back into it. He couldn't deal with everything at the moment. The abyss seemed like a friend at the moment.


End file.
